Confronting Your Shadow Self – An Inner Journey
“That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate.”
I can’t believe it has been slightly over a year ago that I underwent major surgery to remove a 5cm malignant tumor in the sigmoid of my colon. Scary stuff! But there is always a silver lining in any cloud. First the cancer did not break through the third layer and was therefore contained. However, I am still under the watchful eye of an oncologist. It was divine intervention that caused me to finally seek the medical attention I needed.
The biggest silver lining was/is my outlook on life and those who occupied my space; whether close friends or a stranger. You see I am a very opinionated person. I know, say it isn’t so! I had an opinion about almost everything, from the way a person drove, to the way my neighbor cut his lawn. That was a lot of negativity filling my space. So what was I to expect with all of this dark energy swirling around and through me?
Life has a way of getting your attention
Spirit, God, Allah, Buddha, Ra, Higher-self, Frank or Grace has a way of getting your attention. And it is all done on your behalf. I used to not care about life as it passed me by. People? Who needed them? Turns out I love my life, I love the people that are in this life of mine. But was it just people and things that resided outside of me, or did it also reflect how I actually viewed my very core? If we do not love our”self”, how can we love others? We can’t, for what is happening inward manifests in our outer world. “As above, so below.”
It seems that when faced with this dilemma, I had a choice to make; and I was being given a chance to turn my attitude around. I believe that throughout life we are presented with “windows”. We can either go through them to the next realm, or we can choose to close the window and remain here. I chose to close the window.
What can I do now?
I am still pretty much a loner, but now I find myself stressing less over the things that I cannot change. I embrace the love that I have for my friends, I love each and every day no matter if it is sunny or raining. I thank the universe for the simplest things like a parking space close to the store, or a bird’s feather on the ground. (I see feathers as signs from the other world.) I listen more to that still small voice that speaks to me every minute of every day. I do not take that voice for granted and I love that voice!
As for negativity…I no longer allow negative people in my space or my life. No matter if they are family members or otherwise. To allow this back into my life is to begin that spiral over again. Negativity begets negativity.
I have been a Tarot reader for well over 25 years and as a tarot reader I rely on the shadow card, the bottom card of the deck after shuffling. The shadow card presents me with a glimpse into the underlying question of my querent. It brings up that which is hidden.
My shadow self was urging me to find the light through whatever means possible. I have learned to quiet my restless mind and see things from a lighter side and not dwell in the dark.
The Meaning of Existence
I still question the meaning of existence and I still do not believe there really is a “God” as written in the Bible. I do believe that I, at my soul-level, am the Captain of my Ship. My soul determines when it is time to walk through that “window”. What happens, happen for a reason. And you must recognize it is not to punish you, but to help you along your path. An astrologer/card reader I once went to told me that destiny will happen no matter if you go from point A to point B, or if you take the scenic route by way of point C. You still arrive at your destination. I do believe that I will continue to travel along point C, just so that I can take in all of the beauty it has to offer.